Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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