Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
