Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
