New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
