I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
