My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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