The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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