at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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