apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize