I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
