i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
People in love make me want to vomit
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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