Just fell off a train. Bad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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