I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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