Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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