this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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