phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
