i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
