i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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