guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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