My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
