If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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