Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
