I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
