I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
