We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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