Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
