I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
