so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
