96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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