hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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