you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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