i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
