Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
