I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
