Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
