i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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