Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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