Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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