I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
