Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
