My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
