My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize