I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
