Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
