1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This girl is more easily done than said...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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