ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
