I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
