I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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