"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
