I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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