So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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