he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
