I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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