are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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