My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
