if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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