We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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