my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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