i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
