apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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