Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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