and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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