Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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