ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?