All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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