I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
