Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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